fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
pray to the hookup gods
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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