My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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