Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i think my mom watched the whole time
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
