I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just pee around me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
