I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
