shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
