Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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