Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
