did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
