Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
