Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
