so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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