Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
