A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
