wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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