i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
