And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
