me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize