I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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