bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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