Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
