I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
