What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
