I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
