If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
