why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
