Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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