i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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