I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
