Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Randomize
