i permit you to call me
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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