have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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