I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
