The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
