i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize