based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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