her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
