so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
