people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
