I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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