the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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