i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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