How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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