Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize