i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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