nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
