everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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