she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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