Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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