we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
