It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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