I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
