My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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