17 year olds will be the death of me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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