Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
