I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
