someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
