You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
