The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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