i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dignity is for republicans.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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