Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
