Umm I'm too high to move.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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