Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
