Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
