I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
