just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
