just come out here and I will go home with you...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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