Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
