Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
