You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
