I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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