I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
