So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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