Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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