please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
