i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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