Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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