it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Still dying that you shit outside
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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