does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
