maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
