and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
