They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
