He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
