Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
