Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
