I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
