You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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