worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
