I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I could make wine with my vomit
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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