I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
