Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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