he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
