apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize