I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
