Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
