She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
