Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
