Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Non-Jews are for practice
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
