Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
