Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
