she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize