No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
