or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
