Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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